Love you Madly
by Haley's Comet
Summary: I inhaled deeply as the soft and steady snoring coming from the other room lulled me into unconsciousness. That was the first time I had a good night's sleep since Sean left. Jay/Ellie.
1. Alone

**Title: **Love you Madly

**Genre: **Hurt/Comfort, Romance

**Pairings: **The main pairing in this story is going to be Jay and Ellie, but there are some references and flashbacks to Sean and Ellie's relationship.

**Setting: **This is based a few weeks after Sean left, right after Alex broke up with Jay for cheating on her.

**Description: **Ellie's a lonely mess after Sean leaves, but she finds out she's not the only one. Jay's life has been going downhill just the same. He's been getting himself into all kinds of trouble, having nobody left to depend on. Ellie is left the only person who can help him.

**A/N: **This chapter has lots of Sellie, but Jay is going to be coming in the next chapter. I've been coming up with all kinds of Jay and Ellie stories lately, but I don't want to post more than just a couple at a time, because then I never get around to writing the older ones. This is one of the only non-oneshots. Anyways, it's been turning out pretty well, so I really hope you like it!

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**Chapter one:** _Alone._ A-lone. **[uh-lohn]**

**-Adjective:**

1. Separate, apart, or isolated from others: _I want to be alone._

2. To be the exclusion of all others or all else: _One cannot live by bread alone._

3. Unique; Unequaled; Unexcelled: _He is alone among his peers to devotion to duty._

**-Adverb:**

4. Solitarily; solely: _She prefers to live alone._

5. Only; exclusively.

6. Without aid or help: _The baby let go of the side of the crib and stood alone._

**-Idioms:**

Leave alone, let alone, let well enough _alone._

**-Synonyms:**

Single, solitary; unaccompanied, unattended. Alone, lone, lonely, lonesome all imply being without companionship or association. Alone is colorless unless reinforced by all; it then suggests solitariness or desolation: alone in the house; all alone on an island. Lone is somewhat poetic or is intended humorously: a lone sentinel. Lonely implies a sad or disquieting feeling of isolation. Lonesome connotes emotion, a longing for companionship.

_A longing for companionship. _That sounds about right.

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Even an online dictionary cannot completely express the true meaning of the word _alone_. Only the people who have lived it can truly know what it is. _Alone_ is waking up to an empty apartment for three weeks in a row. _Alone_ is nobody being around to hear you cry at night. _Alone_ is having to downsize the milk cartons you buy at the grocery store when you can't handle a full gallon by yourself without it getting spoiled. Alone is _alone_; eating alone, sleeping alone, waking up alone, and watching television alone. Being alone is feeling alone, even when you're surrounded by a room full of people.

I have been, in all definitions of the word, alone, for almost a month now. Well that's not entirely true—I have a _ferret._ I can't say that having Bueller around is much of a comfort to losing Sean. I still don't understand what went wrong. We were so happy—weren't we? Yes, we definitely were. We stayed up late every night, snuggled on the couch. Every morning I'd fix us up some breakfast. We were like a little family; Sean, Bueller and I. He was the only real thing in my life. He was the only person I could rely on, no matter what. He _took care_ of me.

Even though he's gone now, our apartment holds so many happy little memories. _Little memories—_Small instances of bliss, generated by simple, but loving actions. Like the way he'd tuck stands of untamed hair behind my ear. Or the way he would always defend me against his friends. Or how he would pick up random things from the video store he thinks I might like. Or how he would turn the ringer off when he and I were hanging out, so we could have some peace and quiet, away from distractions. Those kinds of simple actions are what make up why I love Sean so much, but one memory has always stuck out from the rest.

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Sean and I were sitting on the couch eating dinner, when my mother called. I told Sean I was going into a different room so I could take the call. He nodded, his eyes still glued to the television screen as _Elimination Round 3_ played. I swiftly moved through our small hallway and took a right into Sean's room, the first door available. I sat down on Sean's bed as I greeted my mother over the telephone.

In a matter of minutes, we got into a huge argument. She wanted me to visit her, and I wasn't ready. She was instantly on me about how I never call, and how I don't care about her. Regardless to her letting me move out of the house, she's never been okay with me trying to break free from her. Nothing permanent, I just needed some space. This, obviously, didn't sit well with her. We've had arguments about this before, but this time she got down-right nasty. Apparently, I was an ungrateful and selfish girl, and that I was deserting her, just like my father. But the difference was that he was fighting for our country, where as I was just shaking up with my boyfriend. Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I hung up on her.

A few tears streamed down my cheeks as I lay down on Sean's bed, tightly clenching a pillow towards my chest. I took deep breaths, trying to remain silent. My attempts were meaningless, I realized, as I heard two slow knocks at the door. It's like he had some weird sixth sense for when I was feeling lousy. He didn't wait for my response as he cracked open the door.

I sat upright, and then set his pillow at my side. "You know," I turned my head and began wiping some tears from my cheeks before he could notice. "You don't have to knock to enter your own room. Sorry for invading."

He laughed, shutting the door behind him. "Invading? You make my room sound like its own country in a game of _Risk." _I forced a smile and shrugged as he continued. "You alright?"

"Yep," I lied, trying to come up with a story in my head. "That was just Marco on the phone. He said something about Paige dumping Spinner, and then it was just some ranting I didn't care to listen in on. I swear, sometimes he's worse than Ashley with the whole _gossip_ thing."

Sean coked an eyebrow disbelievingly as he sat down on the bed next to me. He stared at me, prompting me to tell the truth. I inhaled deeply, and caved. "Okay, so it wasn't Marco." I admitted, leaning back on the bed. "It was my mom."

I could tell by his expression that he wasn't in the least bit surprised. He leaned back with me, and took my hand within his own. Whenever he reached out to hold my hand, it reminded me of when we first met in detention, and how I opened up to him on the roof of Degrassi. I smiled reminiscently as he spoke. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

The truth was that I didn't— but everything Sean said was always in code. Phrases like can you, do you, will you, and won't you were actually just used to sidestep direct requests or demands. For instance, _'Do you want to tell me what happened?'_ actually means, _'tell me what happened'_. He would respect my answer if I didn't want to talk about it for now, but would only bring it up later. Sean was a very complicated person.

I, however, was not so complicated. Instead of having to deal with all that trouble to come, I just told him everything. He remained silent the whole time I spoke, absorbing everything. One great thing about Sean is that he's a fantastic listener. It's like spilling my guts out to a brick wall, but in a positive way. He only comments or responds when prompted, or asked directly, which was refreshing. He never judged me. He was always just _there._

After we finished talking about my mom, I was feeling a lot better. Sean and I stayed there for two more hours, just chatting aimlessly. We talked about the most random and insignificant things ranging from my brat cousin in Fergus to every pet I've ever owned in my entire life. It wasn't until ten O'clock that I started getting a little worn out. Apparently, he sensed this too.

"Tired?" He asked shifting onto his side to face me.

I smiled and nodded. "A little." He returned my smile as he brushed the hair of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear. He then, once again, reached out to grab my hand. These were two of those subtle and tender actions he repeated often. Suddenly, I was overcome by emotion and blurted out, "I love you, Sean." I blushed as he smiled and kissed my forehead. He has told me before that he loved me, but this was the first time I reciprocated. This was not only the first time I told Sean that I loved him, but this was the first time I've told anyone. He was my _first_ love.

I kissed him tenderly on the lips before he sat up, running a hand through my hair. "You should get some sleep. You can stay here tonight if you want, I'll just crash on the couch."

I raised my eyebrows at him, turning onto my back. "But this is your room."

He grinned at me as he stood up. "But you just look so comfortable." He then threw a blanket over me, and sat back down at the foot of the bed.

"You can always stay in here with me," I offered meekly. I then decided to revise a little. "And, you know—just sleep?" I had to make that point clear; although I guessed that he probably already knew what I meant. "If you want," I added, trying not to sound needy.

He smirked before lying down beside me, taking me in his arms. He kissed the top of my head and I just listened to his steady breathing. It was just so calming—grounding. I often fell asleep to the sound of his gentle snoring, not loud enough to be considered obnoxious, but this was even more comforting. I fell asleep within seconds.

The school shooting happened a week later, and nothing was the same.

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**I hope you liked the first chapter! Do not be fooled, this is Jallie fic. I just needed the Sellie in this first chapter to set up the story. Jay will come into the next chapter. The next chapter is a good one, so keep checking back! I'm hoping to have it up next week sometime, since I'm writing so many stories at once right now. I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew, but that doesn't mean you should be surprised if this next chapter only takes me a couple of days—I'm pretty unpredictable that way. **


	2. Surprise

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews last chapter! I was so happy you guys enjoyed the first installment. This chapter, Surprise, is a little less—gloomy. This one just sort of gets into the main plot. It's a little short though. I hope you all like this chapter, but the one after this is really going to be a lot of fun. Anyway, happy reading, and as always, review!**

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**Chapter two: **_Surprise._ Sur-prise. **[Ser-Prahyz, suh-]**

**-Adjective:**

1. To strike or occur to with a sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment, as through unexpectedness: _Her beauty surprised me._

2. To come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly: _We surprised the children raiding the cookie jar._

3. To make an unexpected assault on (an unprepared army, fort, person, etc.).

4. To elicit or bring out suddenly and without warning: _to surprise the facts from the witness._

5. To lead or bring unawares, as into doing something not intended: _to surprise a witness into telling the truth._

**-Noun:**

6. An act or instance of surprising or being surprised.

7. Something that surprises someone; a completely unexpected occurrence, appearance, or statement: _His announcement was a surprise to all._

8. An assault, as on an army or a fort, made without warning.

9. A coming upon unexpectedly; detecting in the act; taking unawares.

**-Idiom: **Take by surprise

a. To come upon unawares.

b. To astonish; amaze: _The amount of the donation took us completely by surprise._

**-Synonyms: **Surprise, astonish, amaze, astound mean to strike with wonder because of unexpectedness, strangeness, unusualness, etc. To surprise is to take unawares or to affect with wonder: surprised at receiving a telegram. To astonish is to strike with wonder by something unlooked for, startling, or seemingly inexplicable: astonished at someone's behavior. To amaze is to astonish so greatly as to disconcert or bewilder: amazed at such an evidence of stupidity. To astound is to so overwhelm with surprise that one is unable to think or act: astounded by the news.

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Certain words of this definition stuck out above all others; Astonished, unexpectedness, overwhelm—stupidity, _assault_. These were all the words that could be used to describe my feelings when Jay Hoggart showed up on my doorstep at 1 AM.

I was working on some English homework late that night. I waited until eleven O'clock PM, the night before it was due to work on a project we had assigned weeks ago. I knew that I probably wouldn't get a good grade on it. I was too tired; my mind was no longer fresh. Hours later, after coffee was no longer making a difference and my sentences no longer made sense, I decided to call it a night. I would try to finish up tomorrow morning, or maybe use my free study period to get it done.

I put all of my schoolwork away hastily, desperate to get some rest. It made little difference how late I stayed up however, because I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. I would only wake up every couple of hours until my harsh-toned alarm told me it was time to get up for real. This place was _too _quite, like that's what was keeping me up at night.

But, that wasn't the case tonight. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I heard someone knocking—or _pounding_, rather—on my door. I groaned in disbelief of my rotten luck before practically stumbling out of bed. The pounding continued, generating a massive headache. I staggered groggily through my small apartment, planning how I was going to murder whoever was on the other side of my door. I then quickened my pace as I realized that Mr. Merton could probably hear the intruder as well, and would without a doubt, yell at me tomorrow morning. I groaned irritably before opening the door.

Jay stood in the door frame, drunk, grasping it for support. It took all of my willpower not to shut the door in his face. If he didn't look so pitiful, maybe I would have. "Jay? What are you doing here?" I questioned, barely above a whisper.

"Sean!" Jay shouted, looking behind me. I tried to shush him, but apparently he was unable to keep his voice low. "Hey, _Sean!"_

"What are you _doing?"_ I asked, pulling him inside. I shut the door behind him hastily, praying that Mr. Merton hadn't woken up. He swayed uneasily, so I grabbed him by the forearm. "Just sit down, okay?"

He obeyed, falling back on the couch. I released my frustrations in a long, audible sigh. "Hey, red," He said, looking at me for the first time. His words were so slurred, I could barely even understand him. "Can you go get Sean? I need to talk to him."

"No—" I replied bemusedly "Because Sean doesn't _live_ here anymore."

He raised an eyebrow at me before chuckling throatily. "Quit messin' with me Red, just go get Sean."

"I'm not—" I broke off, deciding that it was pointless trying to reason with him. "Look—Sean doesn't live here anymore. I know it, and you know it. Either you're even dumber than you look, or you're too smashed to remember. Just trust me, okay?"

He stared at me a long time. I guessed that he was probably trying to decide whether or not I was lying to him. "Sean!" He yelled again, deciding against believing me.

I quickly sat next to him on the couch and put a hand over his mouth to stop him from shouting. "Okay, you're right, Sean does still live here—" I lied, thinking quick. "But if you don't be quiet, he's going to get kicked out of this apartment. Understand?" He nodded his head as I smiled victoriously. But then, much to my revulsion, he licked my hand before I could pull it away.

"Ugh!" I released my sounds of disgust as I wiped my hand against his already stained shirt. He just threw his head back in laughter. "You're such a child!"

He just shook his head and changed the subject, still chuckling lightly. "So, where is Sean?" He mumbled curiously, still looking around.

"He's—" I tried to think up a lie as quickly as possible. I realized it didn't have to make complete sense, since Jay was too drunk to know the difference. "He's—at the auto shop,"

"At the auto shop?" Jay asked. "What's he doing there?"

"Fixing—cars?" I replied uneasily. Maybe I could come up with a better lie if it wasn't one in the morning. But luckily, Jay didn't seem to think it was strange that Sean was off _fixing cars_ at this time of night. Not at the moment, anyway.

"Okay," He replied, obviously convinced. He then began to attempt to get to his feet. "I guess I'll just come back later then."

"No!" I sat up, and pushed him back down to the couch. "Stay"

"Why?" He asked, barely able to keep eye-contact.

"Because Sean will be back soon, and I'm sure he'd want to see you," I lied again, trying to keep Jay off the streets. Like I needed _that_ on my conscience.

"Okay," He agreed warily.

"I'll just get you some blankets—" I began, going into the linen closet down the hall. When I returned, I continued. "And you can just crash on the couch until he gets here, okay?"

"No, I'll just stay awake and wait, thanks." One thing I realized about drunk Jay—he was more polite then the real thing. Too bad.

"Um, okay." I replied, hesitantly walking back into the bedroom. I rolled my stiff shoulders back, spurring on a few cracks. I then stretched out my arms before crawling into bed.

Suddenly, horrible images came to mind. I couldn't just leave him out there, drunk, and wide awake. He could get into all kinds of trouble. I didn't need to wake up finding my kitchen up in flames for a second time. Just before I was about to throw the covers off my body a return to the living room, I heard the sound of Jay's gentle snoring. I smiled to myself before snuggling closer into my sheets, suddenly content. It reminded me of living with someone other than Bueller. It reminded me of the person who now lived in Wasaga. I inhaled deeply as the soothing sound lulled me to unconsciousness. That was the first time I had a good night's sleep since Sean left.

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**You like? You dislike? Let me know in a review! Anyways, I'm really excited to post the next chapter. It's definitely the most positive so far. Ha! The first too were, as I said before, a little gloomy. But, this isn't really made to be a **_**happy**_** story anyway, so whatever. =]  
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